Each Soul Is Unique

Three sons born to the same family can be as different as night and day. It's fascinating to think that, even with the same parents and a shared environment, there can be contrasting differences. Since there seems to be an inherently negative perception of people who are "different," it is best to use the word, "unique."

My three sons may have their unique qualities, but there are also commonalities that can be traced to their shared experiences. All three are intelligent and creative young men who have a sense of compassion. With all of our travels in Taiwan and beyond, they share a love for travel and exploration of new experiences. We raised them to see the entire world as their "back yard."

What makes my sons UNIQUE? I will answer that question using the language of possibility and from the future point of view.

JOHAN - What can I say about Johan? He was the first child, the one who forced me to reconsider my priorities. After my marriage, when I felt apprehension and doubt about giving up some of my plans and goals, I only needed to stare into his innocent, infant eyes, and my apprehension and doubt would melt away. "You're totally worth it," would always come to my mind.

Johan, you have been the best gift in my lifetime, and even now, you continue to be a gift to everyone you touch. You have a way with people, connecting with their hearts and making them feel that you actually see them for who they really are. People tend to gravitate towards you and you have the confidence and strength to lead. I hope that you realize the value of human connections and relationships, and how they can help you overcome all problems in life that you can't overcome by yourself. But more magical than problem-solving, I hope you can realize the power of creation that is only possible when you have the courage to have a vision and inspire those connected with you to work together to make it a reality. The power of creation is your true potential.

XANDER - When Johan was about three years old, we were certain we wanted to grow the family and made the decision to have another child. Our second son, Xander, reinforced our desire to grow our family, as we were proud of him from the start. And were were emotionally ready to embrace him, and he multiplied the joy in our lives.

Xander, my noble son. You are one of the most observant and thoughtful people we have known in our lives. Your ways are methodical and you are very careful and considerate before you take action. I believe your character makes you an ideal attorney or judge. You can be an unwavering cornerstone of a free and fair society that people can rely on. I hope you can overcome your insecurity in order to plot your course unburdened by self-doubt and hesitation. Righteousness, justice and fairness in the world require people like you, and we have always been proud of you, and we are proud of the man you will grow into.

JADEN - We were ready for another child to bless our lives, and we received an angel in Jaden. We knew this child was special when he came into this world, with blue-grey eyes and a tuft of light brown hair. His dimpled smile warmed the hearts of total strangers. He brought an abundance of smiles, laughter and happiness into our lives.

Jaden, our angel. You have a pure soul, untainted by the prejudices and pessimism of the world around you. You have always been kind, caring, and your actions have been benevolent. From wanting to save every creature you run across, including those that end up on our dinner table, to lending an ear or shoulder to those who need to unburden themselves from the pressure of their lives, you are always there for people and living things. I don't know what you will choose to be in the future, but your heart will lead the way. I hope you know that you can be anything you want to be, especially if it being there for others. I hope people will realize that kindness is a strength, and you are a shining example of that. Will you be a veterinarian? A doctor? A philanthropist. I hope I will be there to find out.

FOR PARENTS

Every son and daughter is unique, and it is helpful for parents to take this into consideration. When each young person has their unique set of skills and motivations, a one-size-fits-all approach doesn't help each child reach his or her potential as an adult.

If that's true, why do so many parents choose the cookie-cutter approach? For one, the growing demands on both parents to work to feed the consumer lifestyles that are expected of them limits their time available to spend with their children. For decades, the average cost of living has increased much faster than average wages.

Another reason is that many parents prefer to stick to the way they were raised, because it is more comfortable for them. Learning new methods of parenting takes time, and the results are uncertain.

Finally, there is a growing difficulty connecting and communicating with children, especially as they become adolescents. Instead of facing and adjusting to this challenge, many parents go with the status quo.   

From my experience as a parent, I learned all of this the hard way. I have made sacrifices, but often times, I feel like I did not adjust enough or make enough effort to overcome the challenges. There is a balance between making enough of an effort and being willing to let go of things being okay the way they are. It is is about trusting your child and trusting yourself. Trust is the most difficult currency of life, but it is the most valuable.